Is It Crazy to Put Hard Candy in the Same Bowl as Soft Candy? – An Investigation

Today was my day off so I did what any red blooded American male would do, woke up around 11, fired off a few tweets and proceeded about my day. Walking through my kitchen I took a glimpse at the candy corner that has been in my family for generations. Usually I would take a few pieces of candy and not think twice but today! Today was different.

There were skittles in the gummy bear jar.

Before I continue for those of you who don’t know what a candy corner is, it’s essentially a small 6 shelf wall mounted area with jars that people (usually old Italians) put candy in for their grandchildren. It’s awesome.

Back to the main issue. Skittles were COVERING the gummy bears. I’m a man of simple tastes, give me lite beer, gas station food, and generic coffee and I’m good. But gummy bears are one of the few things in life I truly take as a small delight. I go in for a handful to wake me up and to quote the venerable Lee Corso, NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND! My hand was met with the hard candy coated shell of skittles.

I was devastated.

Apparently after further investigation we had too much candy and not enough jars, which could be said is a microcosm of American society right now but I digress. Below is a diagram of the candy counter and it’s contents

  • Weird old mints/assorted possibly stale halloween candy
  • Werther’sĀ Originals (booooooo)
  • Sweet tart pellets/balls (delicious)
  • Skittle/Gummy Bear amalgamation (SAT word, what of it?)
  • Peanut M&Ms
  • Regular M&Ms

Now this could go one of two ways, either we toss out the stale weird top jar candy and move the Werther’s to the top shelf or combine the M&Ms. My household isn’t exactly an allergen free zone. But NO. The skittles and gummy bears got mixed together. Did I still eat them? Yes of course. But it’s a matter of principle. Hard candy stays with hard candy. Soft candy stays with soft candy. It’s how our forefathers would have wanted it.

I will be bringing this up to the higher ups, this matter wont stand. #NotMyCandyCorner